


the lights don’t move, the colors don’t fade

by padsmischief



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Canon Compliant, Christmas Eve, F/M, I’m so sorry, James Potter - Freeform, Lily Evans - Freeform, M/M, Marauders era, except for wolfstar being canon, jkr would never, remus lupin - Freeform, self indulgent christmas fic, sirius black - Freeform, wolfstar
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-22
Updated: 2017-12-22
Packaged: 2019-02-18 14:44:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 848
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13102356
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/padsmischief/pseuds/padsmischief
Summary: Christmas Eve, 1977, through the eyes of Sirius Black.





	the lights don’t move, the colors don’t fade

The call of his name. Laughter in the background. Hyperawareness of the sounds around him; A tree branch snapping, shoes crunching in the snow, the muttering of a warming charm. He could feel all of it, as if it were happening in a sickening slow motion. Vivid and undeniable. He knew without a single doubt that it was Christmas Eve.

Remus was there, looking at him with eyes the color of warm caramel, face so close to his that he could smell the butterbeer on his breath. It was sweet, like the other boy’s voice when he whispered his name. James was there, too. Gods, just... seeing James was enough to make him want to rip his heart straight out of his chest. The fourth Marauder, whose name he didn’t even mention in the private recess of his own mind, was absent, and he couldn’t help but feel relieved by the fact. At least he wouldn’t have to pretend that he hadn’t been apart of the memory, like he had with a thousand others. 

They were down by the lake, shielded by a warming charm that was performed by one Remus Lupin. Remus had always been particularly good at charms. It was that time of winter where the water didn’t seem to move anymore, beginning to still and freeze over in some places. A reminder of how bitterly cold it would’ve been, if they hadn’t all been born with the luxury of magic. Be that as it may, they were, so they didn’t think twice about taking advantage of it. A warming charm here, a playful bat bogey hex there; Using it for the silliest little things on the daily.. Something he would learn to regret in a few years time. Unfortunately, it was only one regret in a long line of built up regrets.. The kind of regrets that he couldn’t even fathom changing, because it was much too late now. The only thing that was more torturous was the fact that none of the guilt or sorrow would do anything to remedy said mistakes, and certainly not his biggest mistake of all. 

Snapping out of that thought pattern quickly enough, he chose to focus on what was right in front of him. Remus’ smiling face, leaning close to him, a hand resting on his cheek. His favorite person in the whole world.. So real. So tangible. Looking at him like he’d never loved anything or anyone more.. Just inches away from him, the two boys were cuddled up under their tree. It had been “theirs” ever since third year, when they’d carved their names upon the wood, charming it so that it couldn’t be tampered with. He wondered, briefly, if it was still there. Four nicknames among the otherwise untouched bark, done in sloppy scratch, with three rough looking sets of paw prints; one set of hoof prints. 

“Merry Christmas, love..” he heard Remus murmur, the look in his eyes as soft as the wool of his jumper, as he brushed a piece of hair behind his ear. Then he was being kissed, a smile on both of their faces, because they couldn’t help it. Wouldn’t help it, even if they could. James was grinning, too, making a teasing jab at their display of affection. They both knew that he didn’t mean it in the slightest, they’d been lucky that way. He did the same thing with Lily Evans on a daily basis, after all. It was, in fact, just that morning that the Quidditch Captain was kissing his girlfriend, twirling the redhead around in the common room in a little impromptu dance. Blinding smiles had taken over both their faces, not a single care in the world shown. They were so young, so happy, so reckless.. Mere children in the middle of a war torn world, casualties of a cause they couldn’t refuse.

“Merry Christmas, Re.” The words were whispered into the darkness as Sirius finally opened his eyes. Just as the last twelve Christmases had gone, so had his friends. The illusion was shattered with unrelenting cruelty, and a hollow feeling where Sirius was sure his heart used to beat. The air was not filled with the call of his name, or laughter, or the sound of a warming charm being muttered. It was midnight, officially Christmas Day, but he was alone. They were not under the tree by the black lake, leaning against the place where their names were carved, joking and smiling and kissing under the moonlight. Lily was not waiting for them at the castle, placing their presents under the Common room tree, getting ready to write a card to her parents. He and James were not preparing to head to Potter Manor the next day, to celebrate with Euphemia and Fleamont. There was no “they” anymore at all, because it was not 1977, and it would never be 1977 again. It was 1987, approximately ten years had passed since that night, and the only people Sirius Black had ever truly loved in this lifetime had been gone for six years.

**Author's Note:**

> Uhhhh... Yes. This is my first fic I’m posting, and it’s so short because I actually wrote it for a blog Christmas challenge. 
> 
> I didn’t have a beta, so I apologize if there are lots of grammar mistakes. I’m sure there are.
> 
> Please let me know what you think, I appreciate any feedback (: 
> 
> Thanks. 
> 
> (Also, the title is from the song “stay alive” by Jose Gonzalez)


End file.
